I have a feeling this may become a recurring blog post with several series to it. The truth is I am always learning and there are many lessons that I have to relearn because I am a sinful, selfish person who is continually being sanctified. I often wonder how long it will take me to learn to take everything to God in prayer.

When we try to take things into our own hands, we make a mess of it. My husband and I were hoping to sell our house, and needed some work done. We have always had difficulty with hiring people. We usually go with the cheapest quote and then find that we got what we paid for; still learning that lesson. This most recent was not a situation we took in prayer. We had a few people come out, and then a guy with a lower quote came in and we handed him a check. We didn’t take it to prayer or even look up references. A few hours later my husband, with a horrible feeling in his stomach, proceeded to research online and found out the guy had terrible reviews. We made an impulse decision on our own and paid for it. God was watching out for us and we were able to cancel the check and service before we had to pay a larger price for our sin.

While it is so tempting to focus on the consequences of the sin we cannot ignore the actual sin here. We think we know better, that our self-sufficiency needs to be continually exercised. This mindset is not God’s best for us. The world may tell us that we need to do things on our own but God has promised that I am never alone. He cares about the big choices, the little choices, and He is patiently waiting for me to ask for His wisdom.

I am constantly needing to learn this lesson; I thought I had learned it before but I am a work in progress. God wants to answer our prayers. My husband had a motorcycle that we were trying to sell and I prayed God would bring a buyer. I brought my worry before Him and trusted. God did bring a buyer and we are free of the motorcycle.

Does this hard lesson resonate with you? What worries do you need to bring before the Lord?

I am suffering from postpartum depression. There, I said it, those are some of the hardest words I’ve typed or said in my life. As an introvert, sharing about myself does not come naturally. I love to hear others’ stories but sharing my own often feels awkward and in a way an admittance of defeat. Depression is something I never thought I would suffer from and even though I am currently on medication, I am not completely myself. There are days I still struggle, I am exhausted and would rather be curled up in bed and alone. However, I still have three kids to take care of and am forced to keep living. This reality is a work in progress with ups and downs. Yet in the midst of darkness God’s light shines brighter.

This darkness happens to be where I hear God the most and He is driving me to new depths in our relationship. He is calling me to something so opposite of my nature and natural tendency that it is incredibly uncomfortable. I want to run and hide at times from this call but I am working on being obedient in all things. He has inspired me to write this blog.

I had another blog before but once I started to suffer from depression I stopped writing in it. My motivation to do something I liked doing, writing and baby products, was gone. God saw the bigger picture though and through His power and amazing people this blog was born. This blog was started many months ago but the actual writing of it took much longer. The fact that I am writing this now is the Lord’s doing. If it were up to my selfish and depressed nature I would be zoning out watching television but He has put a calling on my heart and I want to be obedient. This is incredibly painful for me but my hope is that someone reading this will see that God goes before us. Hard times and darkness drive us to new depths in our relationship with God. It is so easy to wish for an easy life but I am learning to rejoice in the difficulties.

I hope as daughters of the Most High God that you will pray for me and each other as we battle our own darknesses and strive to obey God’s calling. Let us come alongside one another as we face them. Please pray for me as my struggle with depression continues but also pray for my calling as a wife, mother, and (sometimes) writer. We are not alone in the valleys nor the mountains of life, God is there and so are other moms. Let us all be “fearsome things to behold.”

Music Muse ♫

“Elevation Worship – Exalted One”